Likely Moose

Picture the scene. It’s about eight o’clock and the dog starts barking at the front door. He won’t stop and in the end I give in and open the door so he can run out and see for himself that there is nothing there. I follow him out there and sit down on the wall listening to the distance roar of traffic, is that the A507 or the M1 that I can here? I never can tell. Sitting there in the relative quiet of the evening I realise that I’m bushed. My back aches, my fingers are tingling, my eyelids are heavy but at least the weather is quite nice and I can enjoy the starry skies while the dog investigates a plant pot under the hedge.

This is my world right now because I’ve spent the day pressing apples.

The saga started the other day when my neighbour, knowing what I’m like, said that I could have what I wanted from his apple tree. That in itself was a challenge. Most of the best apples are still on the tree right now because I just couldn’t get at them. Never the less I still managed to fill three sacks full of apples. I also got half a sack from the pear tree in my own garden.

Today’s task was to press the fruit. I had gotten all the bugs worked out of the system by pressing the pears yesterday. Todays was the main event. My new scratter and fruit press would get to show how much they were worth.

Now, for those who don’t know, the idea is that you take apples from the tree, cut out any rotten bits, cut it into halves or quarters and then place in the scratter. The scratter then pulverises the apples into much smaller chunks which makes the job of pressing easier and more efficient, therefore getting more juice and in the long run, more cider.

My scratter was £27.50 from The Happy Brewer, my local homebrew shop (incidentally a great place to drop into and have a chat with the guy if your unsure, he is a homebrewing genius and what he doesn’t know isn’t worth knowing). It’s a simple design, two blades which rotate inside a bucket, being turned by a drill, which isn’t included. Now I thought at best it would dice the apples into small cubes but it did so much more. It basically turned it into a cold thick apple soup! It was so ready for pressing that once it was spooned into the press it began to fall out of the other end as juice.

The press was a christmas present so I’m not sure from where or how much it was (although I can guess it was somewhere around the £150 mark). This may seem like a lot but I wasn’t expecting too much from the press considering what you can spend on a really expensive press. Nevertheless I pressed my first batch of pulp and was astonished by just how much juice I got and also by just how dry the remaining cake of dried apple pulp was. In all it was a very efficient juicing method, at least much more efficient than I was expecting.

Now this all seems like a lot of fun and you can’t see why I’m complaining about my back at the beginning, right? Well what I described there was about 40 minutes work when you include all the dicing of apples into the scratter. I was at it for hours. After a while the novelty starts to wear off a bit, only bringing back a little bit of hope every time the press is turned and the sight of a river of juice flowing again showing you why it’s all worth it. Cutting my fingers on the knife and then getting apple juice in the cut was probably the worst part though, like I said, my fingers still hurt.

The bit which probably hurts the most is that I know I’ve got to get up and do it all again tomorrow because I only got  through half the apples. Still, I’ve taken some hydrometer readings and all going to plan I should have 5 litres of perry, 5 litres of pyder and 10 gallons of cider when it’s all done, all around 6%.

As a final point I’d like to say one thing. I’m not a cider maker. I have only tried making cider once before and that was with juice that I bought from Tesco. I have no idea if I’m doing it right or wrong and I’m not saying that this is how it should be done. Please don’t follow in my footsteps and then blame me when it all goes pete tong (although I hope it doesn’t).

I’m writing this as a plea to anyone on the internet who can explain to me the game known as beer pong. As far as I can see the basic idea of the game is to line up a series of cups filled with beer, you then throw a ping pong ball at your opponents cups in an attempt to land the ball in their beer, if you do so then your opponent must drink the beer. The person deemed to have lost is the person who has no beer left. Is this right? Surely not! YouTube says this is correct:

Does this mean that if your at a party playing this game then a skilled player if forced to not drink? Why would anyone want to do this, surely the object is to do something which allows you to drink more? I mean, what sort of party game keeps people sober? What happens if you just decide to drink one of your beers anyway? Are you disqualified? Is that considered bad form? People of the internet, please explain it to me, what am I not getting?

We all know England won the Ashes, they won it ages ago and with the series ending 3-0 it was a bit of a disappointment not to get a clear win/lose at the end. This, however, does not happen here, the final score shall be settled and it will be an English victory, the question is, can Australia claw back enough for 3-2 or will it be 4-1?

The final beer Ashes test being played for stouts. For England is Stoodley Valley Stout 4.8%, and for Australia is Cooper’s Stout 6.1% (both £2.29 from Beers of Europe). Both of which are a fine finale for this epic battle of two great nations. This is probably the most evenly matched of all of the beer Ashes series, they are both described as stouts, they both cost exactly the same amount and they are both bottle conditioned.

My thoughts firstly on Australia’s offering: The beer poured very dark and thick, like you would expect from a stout, there is very little head at all. It tastes slightly fruity, red wine perhaps? It has a very bitter, dark chocolate after-taste. It is much more fizzy that would be suggested by the lack of head. nearer to the end of the drink there fizz wears off slightly, making the beer seem flat and thin in the mouth, although the chocolate notes did become sweeter.

And England: More cocoa on the nose than chocolate.  The bitterness of the chocolate after-taste in the Coopers is more sweet and rounded in the Stoodley, and generally is a more well balanced beer. The effervescence is more pleasing, and kept under control, unlike the Cooper’s as well. The mouth-feel is much thicker, which in my mind is how a stout should be. There is however, a very dry after-taste which I’m not so keen on.

Of all of the five beer Ashes series, this was the most difficult to call. I have noted above some of the differences but truth be told they are both quite similar and it is difficult to make a decision. A decision must be made though (we have no option of a draw based on the weather here!) and I decide in favour of England. I decide this not because I am English and want Englad to win, but because I genuinely think that it is a more balanced and rounded drink. Again I think Australia just think that if they make if fizzy they can get away with it. Well not in my book, sonny! England 4-1!

I’d just like to add my voice (such that it is), to what is being said by Melissa Cole and Nate Dawg. Small scale Redwell Brewery are being asked by global mass market coma inducing energy pop producing and  fine purveyors of soapbox racing and madmen jumping off cliff top entertainment providers: Red Bull, to withdraw their trademark application because their names are too similar.

The crap excuses Red Bull are coming out with include (and these are quotes from www.edp24.co.uk):

[Redwell’s Trademark Application] “comprises Red Bull’s earlier trademark ‘red’ as a whole, which is a prima facie for the similarity of signs.

“Moreover, all trademarks consist solely of English words and contain the common element ‘red’. The term ‘well’ is merely descriptive and therefore of no distinctive character at all.

“Furthermore the term ‘bull’ and the term ‘well’ share the same ending and just differ in two letters.

“The ending ‘ll’ is identical and therefore the terms Red Bull and Redwell are confusingly similar from a visual as well from a phonetical point of view.”

“…consumers … will easily consider the sign ‘redwell’ as a line extension under Red Bull, in particular that the goods and services offered under ‘redwell’ and Red Bull are coming from the same undertaking.

“The consumer will thus be confused as to the origin of the services.”

What Bullshit. Melissa Cole is starting the Twitter #RedBullies, which we should all be getting behind and like Nate said, Redwell, we’re all with you.

Find Redwell Brewery online: http://www.redwellbrewing.com , and on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Redwellbeer

 

Edit: An update from Nate on twitter later the same day:

England have now won back the Ashes properly, (I know we retain the Ashes anyway because the series could have been a draw, but this is now a proper win), can they also make it a clear win in this, the fourth test of the beer ashes? Today’s test, however is not strictly a beer because up to bat for  for Australia, Pipsqueak Cider (5.2%) and trying to bowl them out, from England is Reddaways (6%) farmhouse cider. Both of these were £2.59 from Beers of Europe.

First up, the Australian cider. I was expecting it to be a very sweet cider, I don’t know why but I was. I was probably guessing that it would be another cider which is jumping on the Magners bandwagon. I was wrong. “Uh-oh”, I thought to myself, “Is Australia starting to make good cider?” I based all this on my first thought: it’s not sweet. Then I had another sip and I began to relax a bit as I realised that just because it isn’t sweet, it doesn’t necessarily make it good cider. The colour should have given it away, as it poured into the glass I noticed it was somewhere between straw yellow and slightly green. Not an attractive colour. Like some of the other Australian representatives we’ve seen in this series it was wildly effervescent, almost to a fault. Vinegary, estery vapours on the nose, although not overpowering. As I went through this drink I tried to think what it reminded me of, when suddenly I got a flashback from my youth, a flashback in a large blue plastic bottle, I realise what this reminds me of now: white lightning. As I finished it off I realised it was the perfect way of explaining it, it’s not completely undrinkable, but hasn’t got any sort of quality or discernibly decent characteristics. It just about get’s away with it on every aspect.

And now England’s offering. After the Pipsqueak, this just seamed like heaven in a glass. A medium sweet, well rounded cider, where you could taste the apple juice. Smelling the aroma of apples and not chemicals was fantastic, joyful, and such a relief that I hadn’t picked a rotten cider from all of the brilliant English ciders out there. Although it had just come out of the fridge and was perfectly chilled (some cider enthusiasts will say this is sacrilege but I don’t care) it still had a warming mouthfeel, it was thick and comfortable. I genuinely didn’t want the glass to ever empty, but alas, all good things have to come to an end.

Neither of these drinks have fallen into the modern wave of over ice, over advertised, overly hyped, over priced, overbearingly sweet, modern ciders which seem to adorn the list of products in every major lager brand these days. However this doesn’t either of them good on its own. Pipsqueak (which I have found out is part of the Little Creatures range of drinks) is a dry, gassy chemically tasting cider with none of the charm, warmth or charisma (can a drink be charismatic?) of the Reddaways, which is by far the better drink in my eyes. There is nothing Australia can do, England win the fourth test and the first beer Ashes, the only question left is, will they be able to finish the series with a more respectable 3-2 defeat, or will England crush them 4-1?

So the cricket was a bit of a wash out and we’ve ended up with a draw leaving the series undecided whether it will be a draw or an English win.  Similarly there is no definite winner in the beer Ashes either, and to top it off the category which I was most fearing on England’s behalf is coming up today: Pilsner.

Batting for England is Meantime’s Pilsner and for Australia is Little Creature’s Pilsner. Little Creature’s 4.6% (£2.39): an immediate hit of yeasty, bready flavours, a hint of oranges with a jelly sweetness. Medium sparking which helps the produce a good mouthfeel. Mild Aroma, similar to its taste. Meantime 4.4% (£1.89) cereal tastes with a honey sweetness. More sparkling than the little creatures and drier too. To my mind much more like a pils should be. It’s much cleaner tasting, more fresh and more crisp.

As well as being much cheaper than the Little Creatures, the Meantime is a fresher drink. It has a less complex flavour which I find more attractive in any lager style. The cleaner more polished finish, however is what really sets it apart from the Little Creatures and is why I have no qualms in awarding the third test to England. This means the score for the overall series’ so far is 2 – 1 to England!

Work has recently sent me to the town of Aviemore in the Scottish highlands. Aviemore is a small town with views out across the Cairngorm mountains, which, although impressive, don’t really compete with what I hear it’s like in the Alps. What has this got to do with the price of eggs? I hear you ask, well, while in Aviemore I found that nearly every restaurant and bar had at least a couple of beers available from the Cairngorm Brewery, the brewery itself being in an industrial estate on the edge of town.

Work done and about to head back to England we thought it’d be rude to not have a look at what’s available at the brewery shop. Obviously there were many Cairngorm beers, a few guest beers and you usual souvenir brewery clock and brewery t-shirt etc. But what I want to mention is the Thistly Cross Cider.

Thistly Cross Original 7.2% is a lightly effervescent cider, light in colour too. A pleasant, dry aroma, something akin to Stowford Press. It has one real though, and it’s a major one, the main taste. it is far, far too sweet. I did not think that a cider of such strength could possibly be that sweet. As a result of this sweetness it also has a thick and gloopy mouthfeel, which isn’t desirable either. Afterwards the cider has an aftertaste more akin to Merry Down, with a slight sour note to it. It really was quite a chore to finish this.

I’d hoped that the other bottle would be better Thistly Cross Whisky Cask Aged 6.9%. The one with the slightly lower ABV being less sweet must surely be to do with the maturation in Whisky casks? More rounded, mellow and with hints of vanilla out of the two it would definitely be my choice, although it is still very sweet. But would I choose either of them at all? No. I won’t say that you should avoid it like the plague because that can get people into trouble, and I suppose if you have a sweet tooth you may like it. Definitely not for me though.

 

OK, here we go again. Another month and another session post. This month The Session is being hosted by James Davidson of Beer Bar Band. James is asking us this month to think of a topic within the subject of beer to blog about, but, and here is the twist, to test our writing skills we must finish off in 250 words or less.

The theory is that you get into an elevator and meet someone who represents something you disagree with. You only have the time in which you are in the elevator together to get your point across.

In my situation I’ve walked into the elevator and met my former self, me a few years ago. I was a complete arse back them, here is my argument to myself.

Look at yourself, what do you think you are doing! You aren’t some kind of policeman for good beer. Leave people alone, just because they’re not drinking the same beers as you, it doesn’t mean that they’re wrong. There are good lagers out there, just because you haven’t tried them yet it doesn’t mean that you get to blanket trash an entire style of beer. I agree that Fosters isn’t the greatest, and no, neither is Carlsberg, but that guy over there – the one drinking the Fosters – he isn’t the enemy, you haven’t got to convert him like some sort of beer based Jehovah’s Witness telling everyone what to believe.

Don’t you think they have the right to make up their own mind on what they consume? You don’t see vegetarians stopping you every time you decide not to eat swede, do you? That fella over there is very happy with his Fosters, look at him, he is happy, enjoying himself and most importantly enjoying his beer. Sure it’s not to your taste but it is to his tastes. Isn’t that the most important thing, to enjoy your beer? Why else  would you drink it? Sure if it comes up in conversation then suggest something different that he might like, but that’s it. Go no further. You aren’t always right and you haven’t tried enough beer to know what’s right, and you certainly aren’t an expert. So sit down, shut up and enjoy your beer, just like Fosters guy.

I’d like to make it plain that I’ve never stopped someone randomly in a pub to tell them what I think of their beer. However, I did used to get pretty vocal with some of my friends who drank lager at the time. I also realise that this is more of a rant than a constructed argument. This is what my younger self would have needed to here though.